The Dad Drift

TL;DR:

Helping my daughter buy her first home should have been exciting.

I imagined being calm, encouraging — the kind of dad who models patience in the chaos.

But the endless documentation requests, impersonal system responses, and unnecessary (and costly) processes started to change me. Without noticing, I went from warm and collaborative to clipped and transactional.

That’s drifting.

Not a dramatic break with your values, but the slow pull of a system that rewards a different way of being until “just for now” becomes who you are.

I see it in my coaching clients, too. The key is spotting it early — before you’ve drifted so far that you forget where you started.

There are five common traps or patterns of behaviour that slowly erode your ability to lead authentically and act with integrity.

Full story:

When we started the process, I thought my role would be cheerleader, occasional advisor, and coach. Someone to keep things moving and keep the mood positive.

And for a while, that’s exactly what I did.

I asked my coaching questions and I encouraged patience. I cracked jokes (terrible Dad jokes obviously) when paperwork got confusing. I told her, “Don’t worry, we’ll sort it.”

But the system has a way of wearing you down.

It started small — a request from the solicitors for another document, then the broker asking for something we’d already sent, then the mortgage company asking for unnecessary (and expensive) legal documents. People were unresponsive despite deadlines and the impersonal, illogical “computer says no” moments.

Somewhere in all that, I started to change.

I caught myself sighing when certain numbers flashed on my phone. My emails got shorter and my tone sharper. I started saying “this is ridiculous” rather than looking for solutions.

Each reaction felt reasonable in the moment. But looking back, I can see it was more than frustration — it was me drifting away from the example I wanted to set. Not because I chose to, but because the system rewarded a different way of showing up. It seemed as though the only way to make progress was to compromise who I wanted to be…just for now.

And “just for now” was slowly becoming my new normal.

I’ve seen the same pattern in my coaching work.

One client joined a company they genuinely admired — big mission, bright people, lots of talk about values. They arrived buzzing with energy and determined to lead with empathy, openness, and collaboration. In those early months, they carved out time for proper conversations, invited honest feedback, and protected space for their team to think rather than just react.

But the environment was relentless. Priorities shifted almost weekly, “urgent” became the default setting, and politics started creeping into every decision. Without ever making a deliberate choice, they began to adapt. Meetings became shorter and sharper. Their questions narrowed to checklists and deadlines. They stopped seeking out dissenting views because the pushback slowed everything down.

Each change felt reasonable in the moment — just a sensible adjustment to keep things moving — until a new team member asked, “Why do we do it like this?” In answering, my client suddenly heard themselves defending practices they’d once promised they’d never be part of.

They had drifted away from who they were trying to be.

So let me ask you…

Where might this be happening for you?

Where are you slowly adapting to a system in ways that pull you away from the example you want to set — for your team, your family, yourself?

One quick way to start is something I call The RECALL Pause:

It takes less than 10 seconds, but it’s often enough to stop the drift in its tracks and steer you back towards yourself.

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I’m about to share more on the Calm REBEL Arc™ — in the form of a new book, workshops, and some very personal coaching work. The people on the list won’t just hear about it first — they’ll help shape it.

Early access, opportunities to feedback on things like the cover design. Invitations to early-stage workshops. Priority access to coaching offers designed for leaders who’ve lost sight of themselves in the system.

If you’d like to be part of building something that helps people lead on their own terms, join me here:

👉 Join the Pre-Order Interest List

Speak soon…