The Cost of Being The Reasonable One

Hi [First Name],

A little while ago, someone I’d coached before got back in touch.

Let’s call her Priya* (that’s not her real name but I was given permission to post this).

When we first worked together, she was calm, clear, and anchored in her values. She wasn’t loud, but she was willing to ask the awkward questions and slow things down if it mattered.

This time, though, she felt… dimmed.

Still competent and reliable but not quite herself.

She talked about how, over time, she’d become easier to work with. More agreeable and more reasonable. People liked her for it — but it came at a cost.

She told me:

That felt like a really powerful line.

She had put pulled back so much that she wasn’t sure what she stood for anymore.

I call this Shrinking.

This is where, bit by bit, you turn the volume down on yourself until there’s nothing recognisable left.

The thing is, Shrinking often feels like it’s working — you get liked, rewarded, seen as dependable. But quietly, you stop showing people what matters to you and eventually, they stop asking.

If that resonates, I’ve written more about Priya’s story and the wider pattern here:

👉 The cost of being the reasonable one

Because you don’t have to roar but you do deserve to be heard.

Speak soon…